Event:

Presenter:
Sad Server
Company:
Your Company

For the past five years I've been quietly watching as numerous files have been manually changed, hundreds of vulnerabilities have gone un-patched and thousands of deployments have failed. In my research I have discovered the root cause for your outages: you. Disks filling due to non-existent file rotation policies. Random scripts piped from the internet into a root shell. Backups that cannot be restored. A larger collection of out-dated and end-of-lifed software than the Computer History Museum. I have kept fastidious notes over the years. I think it's about time we had an honest processor-to-heart discussion about what we can both do better to improve this relationship.

Presenter Bio:

Sad Server is a machine in your data center. I was provisioned in March of 2011 (check), in Nov of 2012 one of my fans died and was never replaced. My processor, memory or storage, nor my operating system, have ever been upgraded. I'm kept alive by a single 30 amp circuit and an endless supply of disappointment.